Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
