Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just pee around me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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