I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
