I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
