Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
