That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
