I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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