We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize