He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
