dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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