I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
