Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
