I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
