just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
