Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
