And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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