I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
