Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
