Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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