Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
