Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
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