Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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