I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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