Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
