I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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