i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
