I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize