WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
