I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
