i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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