I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
