Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
