Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
