Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
