Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
