I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize