the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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