i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
