When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize