i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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