yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
