What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
