Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
