They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
