Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
