God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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