11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
