u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
His hands were made for my vagina.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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