whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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