I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
