what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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