Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I understand Curling. That high.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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