If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
