saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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