I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
