Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
