Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
