ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
