3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
