The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
