This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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