.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
