Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
ok first of all what the fuck
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
