Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
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