Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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