I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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