I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
