i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
