did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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