yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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