allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
