MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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