I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I understand Curling. That high.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
