I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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