I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
