U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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