I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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