He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
