omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
