And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Porn is love you can see.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
