New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I've blown a few things in my day
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize