I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
