Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I believe in your delicious
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
