:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
