they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
